I confess that I am no longer a victim and will not live in fear as one.
In him, I have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of my trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. Ephesians 1:7
I will use what the enemy meant for evil and use it for good to glory God. Genesis 50:20
I have not been given the spirit of fear, but instead I am given the spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
I am not defined by the makeup on my face, but the makeup of my heart. 1 Peter 3:3-4
I am no longer in bondage because where there is Jesus, there is also freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
I am no longer a slave to the standards of the world because the way He made me is more than enough.
I am altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in me. Song of Solomon 4:7
Even the hairs of my head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30
I am strong because of God, and will never be satisfied by other people.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be apart of #TheConfessionsProject because it’s something I find so familiar. These confessions are special to my life, and I’ve spoken them to myself a least a hundred times. Speaking truths over buried lies is what I had to do for myself five years ago after my sexual assault. Trauma and assault are difficult and much of my recovery was more mental than it was physical. I’m hoping these confessions will help ladies who are walking through similar situations.
In 2012, during my junior year of high school, I was sexually assaulted by an ex boyfriend. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It took away something I had worked so hard to preserve – my purity. A 17-year-old girl who grew up in church learning how important is was to stay pure had it violently taken away without my choice. The months that followed the attack had my mind thinking I was dirty. I was worthless. I had no control over my body or my life. I was my sexual assault. I was a victim.
Months later, I had a conversation with an older gentleman from my church and he told me I was recovering because I was walking through life as a victim instead of a survivor, a fighter, and a child of the Most High. I realized that until I stopped living as a victim, I would continue to walk in fear like one too.
Once I started digging into the Word and speaking God’s truths over my life, I found a new purpose for my pain – to use it to glorify God. For years, I thought I could receive grace and redemption because I was one of the “good ones”. But after receiving letters of apologies from my accuser and prayerfully meeting with him face to face, I now understood the extent of God’s redemption.
I could now confess that I am forgiven. And because God forgives me, I will forgive others freely – even my rapist. I confessed that salvation is not a reward for the righteous but a gift for the guilty. I am so thankful that I learned to confess, speak truth over myself, and walk in redemption.
The path to healing requires you to become God-focused and not self-focused. I don’t consider myself selfish, but during my healing, all I could do was see my scars. However, when I focused on Jesus and allowed Him to transform my thinking, I still saw my scars but knew that He died to make me whole again.
If you’re struggling with getting justice, like I was for so long, understand that God does hate sin. He sometimes deals with others’ sin against us immediately, sometimes He does it in a different time. Earthly court rooms and cases may fail you, but entrust true justice to the Creator. He always has the last word and brings justice to the unrepentant heart.
Merciful Jesus, thank you for loving us. We understand that you hate sin and will always bring the unrepentant to justice. Shine your light of truth onto those who are hurting in the coming weeks, that they may clearly understand what You’re like and how You see them.
Let their fears and pride be exposed for what they are, and keep them from misrepresenting the picture of who You are. Give them courage! Let them walk in truth that they may face who they are and who they are in You. Amen.
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