When Singleness Doesn’t Feel Like a Gift + Free Worksheet

Hi Friends, Jemeia here! I am SO excited to join the Hanha Hobson team as a frequent blogger and to encourage you all in this next season. As you may or may not know, I am the author of the Jesus Is Bae blog series and to kick off this series, we will be talking about everyone’s favorite topic, singleness! If you have not yet, check out the description for the Jesus is Bae Series hereso that you can understand my heart behind it.

This post is about singleness, but I am not here to lecture you about how “it is such a gift.” It IS indeed, but it doesn’t always feel that way. If you are between the ages of 20-30ish and are still single, all is well in the world until you get on Facebook and see another engagement announcement, new relationship update or until your African parents ask you, “Are you dating yet?” forgetting the fact that they never allowed you to date as a child (Love you, mom and dad, if you are reading!).

Sometimes, you probably think to yourself, “Well shoot! I can’t even get a date! What’s wrong with me? Do I have a sign written across my forehead that reads “#Team Single for Life?” This may not be you, but it’s totally me! This post is for those feeling deprived. My message to you is take heart, Jesus knows.

In every season of our lives, we are looking to the next. For me, it went something like this: “I can’t wait to get into college, I can’t wait to graduate from college, I can’t wait to find a job and live in an apartment on my own.” I look back over my life and remember how in each season, I was so stressed about the next and now I see that all of those things have come to fruition and that God exceeded ALL of my expectations.

At the moment, there are a lot of other things that “I can’t wait for,” one of which happens to be a Christ centered relationship that will last. For me, being single can really consume my thoughts and make me feel so deprived. But here are three thoughts that I am not claiming will solve all your problems, but will at least give you some perspective when you feel like your singleness isn’t a gift.

1. Think about God’s Perspective.

Have you ever stopped to wonder what is must feel like to be God? He must feel like there is no winning with us. When He allows us to walk into a relationship that won’t last, we are angry, broken, and hurt when it ends. When He withholds a relationship from us to prevent heart break, we are still angry and impatient. What then is He supposed to do? Listen, friend, learn to just be. Each day, take a moment to write down and verbalize all that you are thankful for. Praise God for His faithfulness in your life. Learn to see the glass as half full, rather than half empty.

2. He is A Good Father.

Father loves you SO much. His love for you is so grand that Paul actually prays for supernatural strength that you might comprehend it.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
15 from whom every family
 in heaven and on earth is named,
16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3: 14-19)

When you feel like you are lacking, take those feelings to God because I promise you, His heart breaks to see you so disappointed. Know that He is not withholding a good thing from you. He just sees the big picture. Your future spouse has definitely been born and is out there. God is probably working some major things out in that person’s life too, not just for you but so that your spouse can grow into who God has called him/her to be for the Kingdom.

[bctt tweet=”His heart breaks to see you so disappointed.” username=”heyhanha”]

God knows your heart so deeply and He knows that you want a relationship, but He is not going to give you a good thing at the wrong time or allow something destructive to continue, even if it lasted 5 years or a week and abruptly ended. In my own life I have learned some reasons why He is keeping me single in this season:

  1. I am His precious daughter and at this time, He wants as much quality time with me before He hands me off to someone else, who He will have to share my time and attention with. He is jealous for me.
  2. He wants to address certain sins, thought processes, and patterns in my life that either need to be gone or improved before I enter a relationship.
  3. I have personally asked that He will not allow a relationship in my life that won’t be THE lasting one, and perhaps He wants to honor that.

3. Review your list.

Some of us have a running list of what we desire in a spouse, right? Well go back to that list and ask yourself If YOU exhibit the things on your list. Are YOU loving Jesus and people? Are YOU seeking purity and righteousness? Are YOU in community and actively confessing sins? Do YOU floss your teeth daily? LOL, wow, why am I like this? But you get the point!

If you feel you are falling short, then friend, you got some things to work out with God. But let me be clear- NO, you don’t have to be perfect before He grants you your desires. However, you should be focused on growing into a man or women of God first and foremost. Secondly, be mindful that you are working towards being the person that your future spouse will need one day.

My Prayer for You:

Jesus, thank you for the cross. Thank you that there is nothing that we are in need of because there is nothing that you haven’t done. Teach us to be thankful and to trust you. Teach us to be present and to seek you first. Give us joy, not just contentment, in this season. Fill any voids that we may be feeling and remind us that we are already whole. Be our first love.

I’ve got some reflective questions that will help you when you feel like your singleness isn’t a gift. Grab it down below!

Meet Hanha!

Hanha Parham is a Christian author and speaker. Her personal mission is to help woman overcome fear and self-doubt so that they can confidently believe who God has called them to be. She holds a Masters in Divinity with a concentration in pastoral counseling and is currently pursuing her PhD in Christian leadership. Hanha has published two books, Jesus is Bae and The Confessions Project and she is passionate about teaching, equipping, and discipling the body of Christ. When she is not encouraging others or writing her heart out, she loves spending time with loved ones or exploring new coffee shops. 

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